She will agree to reasonable accountability for time, money, and more. As she does, fears quickly subside and the relationship secures itself. If she refuses to offer adequate reassurance or to become accountable until security reestablishes itself, she demonstrates a lack of concern about continuing the marriage. If you fear that your spouse is straying due to rational clues and proof, and she does not offer reassurance and accountability to provide you peace, there are steps you can take to investigate. However, before taking those steps, please understand the potential negative consequences.
Before you continue...
Private detectives, phone line recorders, software to record keystrokes, GPS trackers, and more offer means to discover everywhere your spouse goes and everything he does. Using any or all of them may gather evidence of cheating and unfaithfulness. If you wish to catch your spouse and use the information to get a divorce that favors you financially or otherwise, they work well. If it is because you want to save your marriage that you desire knowing whether your spouse is cheating, using any of these tools may do more harm than good.
If your spouse is cheating and you catch him, expect him to react angrily and with great offense. Though he broke your covenant, he will resent the actions or tools you used to catch him.
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That does not mean that using those tools makes your marriage unsalvageable, or even that using them would anger him more than catching him accidentally. It does mean that you should not be surprised if he becomes furious that you used them. If they help you bring the affair to light, perhaps using them is good.
If they so offend your spouse that he leaves you, you may have done nothing more than speed his abandoning your for his lover. If they cause him to act rashly, you may have sealed the destruction of a marriage that might have been saved. Unfortunately, there is no possibility of knowing in advance how he might react to your actions. Expressing yourself is necessary to resolving your doubts; secretly sleuthing is not. I am not stating emphatically that you should not use those methods. However, I am encouraging you to think them through very carefully as you try to know if your spouse is cheating before employing them.
If you have the slightest doubt, talk with a wise friend, minister, or counselor before taking such a step. From my experience with many marriages in crisis, I believe it much wiser to ask, confront, and diligently pursue the truth directly with your mate than to use outside sources, technology, or violation of privacy.
However, if you feel you must, proceed with the awareness of possible consequences. What Else Can You Do? If you seriously worry that your spouse is having an affair and are not ready or willing to violate her privacy to discover whether you are correct, I strongly recommend another method. Insist that she go with you to counseling or to an intensive marriage workshop like ours.
21 Signs Your Spouse Is Having an Affair
Tell her that you cannot be assured until she does, and that you are not making a request but a requirement for the sake of your marriage. If you know a counselor in whom you have confidence, schedule an appointment. However, it carries a strong likelihood. During the weekend, for example, people often privately confess their affairs to their spouses, and because they had an entire weekend with trained and skilled helpers, they deal with the affair there.
- 6 Tips for How to Respond to a Spouse's Affair?
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- Signs No. 1 to 5 – Suspicious Phone Behavior.
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On the other hand, people who doubted their spouses have attended the weekend and left with the reassurance that their doubts were invalid and with the marriage intact. Living in doubt is destructive. Truth sets one free. The method for learning the truth can make the difference in saving the marriage or ending it forever.
If your marriage is in danger of separation or divorce, call us at to speak with someone or use the form below to request more information about our Marriage Helper workshop for troubled marriages. Our success rate over the last decade is saving three out of four marriages, even when adultery, porn, anger, or other things have deeply hurt the relationship! We will keep everything you tell us completely confidential. Our motivation is to help you determine if this workshop is right for your particular situation.
My wife is in abroad for six years when our baby was only about 3 years old. She came back home after 2.
But I noticed with proof in her cell phn that she is in relationship with another guy where they work together. But saying I wl return soon leaving all after 3 months, she went leaving me alone. But our communications was decreased less slowly.
Signs Your Spouse Could Be Cheating
Ther are staying as living together. We have no communicate now for 1 year. My heart is so breaking now. I beard everything for her. But she betrayed me. Now I want to be separate, I want to leave her freely on her own desires, happiness. In this situation, how can I say about divorce?? Or what are the process or ways to get separate??
Plz suggest me. Thank you. Verizon Media will also provide relevant ads to you on our partners' products.
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